Now this is a very high figure because although USA has now a population of 300 million, there are 111.1 million households in America in 2005. Which suggests that a very large percentage of Americans have issues about sexual satisfaction between couples.
Also what they discovered is that it is mostly the women who are refusing to have sex with her husband. So why is this? Modern psychology and psychiatry doesn’t seem to have an answer to this.
Back in the 19th century and early 20th century it was commonly believed that women didn't enjoy sex, or at least only very unrespectable Scarlet Women did so. Then with the rise of Women's Liberation Movement in the 1960s, women came out and claimed that they were capable for enjoying sex as much as men. Since then women's sexuality has been openly discussed to the degree that men are becoming aware that women probably can enjoy sex as much or even more than what men can. Though it seems that this is only the case, when they are in the position to unashamedly say or demand what they want.
In the 19th century, the belief that women do not enjoy sex, fitted in nicely with the belief that men had always been the dominant sex. This is because in evolutionary terms, if this is true, then it was assumed that men initiated all sexual encounters. Men being the dominant sex were at liberty to have sex with women or their wives whenever they felt like it. This means, there was no need for women to enjoy sex, as she didn't have a say in the matter. So even if women had no sexual desire, women will still have children because men enjoyed sex and want to eject inside women, whether she wanted it or not. So this meant that it was ‘natural’ for women to be submissive and men to be dominant. (This attitude is also unfortunately used to justify rape). The acceptance today that women do enjoy sex, shows that in the past women must of had a choice about whether they wanted to have sex or not. Because having sexual desires means that women have a drive to initiate sex. Certainly today with far fewer patriarchal restrictions on women, they are showing they are capable of being assertive and even dominant in sex. These desires don't come out of nowhere and suggests that they come from behavior that was once commonplace, before women were controlled by patriarchal laws, customs and taboos.
This then presents a very different picture of our stone age past than what archaeologists and paleontologists have led us to believe. What has been taught to us all is that man has always been the breadwinner. From the time of the Stone Age it was ‘natural’ for man to go out and hunt for food and bring it back to his adoring wife. And she will then cook it for him and wait on her lord and master hand and foot.
In the 1950’s paleontologists thought they had worked out the how humans became different from apes, in the “great white hunter” theory, or as it is now called, the Savannah theory. This theory states that humans became different from apes through hunting. In a time of global warming, the trees in Africa were decreasing, because of increasingly dry weather. Our ape ancestors were then forced to come out of the trees and live on the savannah. No longer able to feed themselves on fruit, leaves and nuts they found on trees, these apes became scavengers and progressed to learn hunting with crude clubs and spears. So it was the hunting skills that made humans so brainy, and man became the ‘killer ape’. Off course in this cozy story, women had very little input. After all wherever you go in the world it has always been men who hunt and women who gather. So you find in many of the books expounding this theory, women are hardly mentioned at all. After all, we live in a man’s world and women are only good for looking after children. So it is not surprising to find that the proponents of the Savannah theory are all men.
There is an alternative theory to the Savannah theory championed by Elaine Morgan. In her book, “The Decent of Women”, she made the point that a woman with a baby couldn’t possibly survive on the African plains, so she put forward another theory called the Aquatic Ape Theory. This theory had been around for a long time but was unpopular among many male scientists, as it doesn’t give the starring role of our evolution to men. So for this reason is it still rejected my mainstream science in spite of the fact that recent research has largely discredited the Savannah theory and supports the Aquatic Ape theory. But that is another story, and I will discuss this further, later on in this book.
If we go back four million years, to the first humans, and compare it with the four to five thousand years of recorded history, it means that 99.9% of human existence is largely unknown. (Officially the Stone Age started when humans started to use stone tools, but when this happened is unknown. Apes have been observed to use tools and recently New World monkeys have been filmed using stones to break open nuts, so the Stone Age could even go back further than 4 million years). We have no written record of what happened then, and we only have a few skeletons and flint tools to tell us what happened in those days. Yet what happened in the Stone Age is far more important in making us what we are, than recorded history. So this big unknown void has been filled with speculation, which has been presented to the public as scientific fact. It always has been assumed that men have been the dominant sex, so all images in books we have of the Stone Age are of man being a brutal hunter while women have been the submissive and brutalized slaves. A society of brutal men and brutalized women makes sense if women don't enjoy sex, because men in this form of society men would be at liberty to rape women. So the fact that women have a clitoris and sexual desires and can have an orgasm suggests that in the Stone Age women were not as submissive as portrayed. Because in evolutionary terms something that is not used, ends up disappearing. So it means that women's sexual desires and pleasure, must of been an important aspect of the mating between women and men during the Stone Age. Because the retaining or development of women's sexual desires means that in the past women were capable of initiating sex as much as what men were. This then would suggest the relationships between women and men were equal during the Stone Age because both sexes had an equal say when they mated. This is because they both had to have sexual desires for mating to happen. Unfortunately it is not that simple, as women's sexuality is more complicated than this. What has become very clear in recent years is that not all women enjoy sex through penetration. This is because the clitoris is located near the outside of the vagina and for many women having sex with a male penis inside them, does not stimulate the clitoris, because the penis may not even touch it. The penis can only stimulate the clitoris indirectly and for many women this indirect stimulus does not work for them. So a man can pump away for hours and not bring the women to orgasm with his penis.
To make matters even more complex, it seems that the timing of sex seems to be different for most men and women as well. Most men it seems can become aroused and ejaculate far quicker than most women. This has caused real problems in the sexual relationships between women and men in recent times.
Back in the 19th century sex was easy for men. No wife was able to legally refuse sex from her husband. So he could have sex whenever he wanted to. Then as it was believe that women didn't enjoy sex he didn't have to worry about her feelings, as foreplay then was unknown, as was the female orgasm. He was a liberty to put his penis in his wife and not worry if she was aroused and lubricated. The attitude was that is was his wife's duty to lie back and endure any pain she might have from having his penis in her dry vagina, and anyway it usually didn't last too long, as most men can come within a few minutes. Then in the 20th century sex, become far more difficult for men, when women demanded that they give them foreplay so their arousal will lubricate their vagina. So the man in an aroused state had to wait, until she was ready, then when he was inside her he then was told to delay his ejection until she reached orgasm before he was allowed to come. This was because if he orgasm before she did, he wouldn’t be able to bring her to orgasm with a soft penis. To make it even more complicated, some couples thought that they should orgasm together, which put pressure on both of them to try and get the timing right.
Unfortunately many men have been unable to manage all this and as we can see with the popularity of the drug Viagra impotency has become commonplace among men in modern times. This is because with foreplay some men in waiting while their wives or girlfriends are aroused, can lose their erections. If a man gets past this hurdle he then has to control when he ejects. Not all men are able to do this, and if he ejects too early he is accused of being selfish and if he has to hang on for too long, he again can lose his erection. Then he can be accused of not having any desire for the women he is with. Then for some men, they find they can keep on pumping away as long as they like, they will never bring their partner to orgasm because her clitoris is not stimulated by the movement of this penis. All this has undermined the confidence of many men sexually, whom today are considered to be failures if they cannot give their wives a orgasm with their penises. This has resulted in many women ‘faking it’ that is to say, to pretend to have an orgasm, so not to dent her partner’s ego, or just to get it over and done with. But other women can’t be bothered to do this and the men’s ego is deflated and confidence in this sexual performance is undermined. The irony of this is that back in the 19th century if a woman was enjoying sex and even orgasm, she would attempt to conceal this from her male partner, in case he thought she was a whore. But in the 20th century if she wasn’t enjoying sex, she had to fake it.
What many women have discovered is that to enjoy sex it is far easier for them to masturbate their clitoris than to have a man's penis inside them. This is also true if a man wants to give a woman sexual pleasure he is far more likely to do a better job with his finger than with his penis. But better than a finger is his tongue, as a finger can be too hard while his tongue is soft and gentle. This then means for many couples, if a man wants to give a woman sexual enjoyment it would be far better if he forgets about his penis and his own sexual pleasure and gives his partner oral sex, and bring her to orgasm this way.
With all these complications it is no wonder 20 million Americans end up in sexless marriages. Does this mean that God or nature has played a cruel trick on the human race? Because women and men seem to be, sexually incompatible. Human beings appear to be set up sexually so that if men wants to enjoy sex without any problems, then it requires women to completely sexually submissive to the degree she is not concerned about her own sexual enjoyment. If on the other hand women want to enjoy sex, then men also have to be totally under their control where men have to fit in with what the women wants, so she can have the type of sex that brings her to orgasm.
Certainly sex between homosexual couples seems to be far easier than between heterosexual couples. This is because two men or two women together have very much the same attitude and feelings about sex, as each other. While women and men seem to live on different planets, not only are they physically incompatible, for reasons as I have mentioned, but are incompatible emotionally as well, with men thinking about sex in terms of power, pleasure and a quick ejaculation. While at the same time, women thinking about sex in terms of love, romance and unhurried sensual pleasure.
All this seems to show that the feminist ideal of sexual equality during the sexual act is not only very difficult but for some couples completely impossible. If this strange state of affairs is brought about through evolution, then what is this telling us about our ancestors in the Stone-Age? If in our Stone Age past men and women were equal in status with each other, then the sexual timing of women's and men's orgasm would be very similar. They would take about the same time to get aroused, so that it would take the same amount of time for a man to get an erection as it does for a woman to be lubricated. While the clitoris would be in a position to be stimulated by the penis when a man penetrates a woman. The fact that these things don't often happen suggests that equality between the sexes, wasn't very common during the Stone Age.
For women's sexual organs to evolve through millions of years where many women today can only enjoy sex with men stimulating their clitoris with their finger or tongue, means that women had to be able to control men. To the degree that men were willing to give up any idea of sexual enjoyment with women and only concentrate on her enjoyment, for thousands of generations.
What we don't know about the people of the Stone Age is whether they linked the sexual-act with childbirth. Some academics claim that human being have only discovered this in the last few thousand years in civilized times. Yet recent research has discovered that human beings in the Stone Age were as far more intelligent than was previously thought. In fact some skeletons of Stone Age people has shown they had larger brains that the average person today. The more scientists find about Stone-Age people the more sophisticated and intelligent they become. Which means there is the possibility that human beings worked out the connection between sex and childbirth million years ago. It has to be remembered that in western countries a birth control pill was only discovered in the 1960s. Yet the Aborigines of Australia who had a Stone Age culture before Europeans settled there, had knowledge of herbs that acted like birth control pills. This means we know of one stone-age people who were far in advance of western knowledge about birth control until the 1960s. So if in the Stone Age women knew about the connection between sex and childbirth, it would make sense of why women today have evolved to a state where they can separated sexual pleasure from conception.
Birth control is very important for hunter/gather communities because there is a limitation of food. Uncontrollable breeding would create a situation where people could quickly over-exploit the environment they lived in. So keeping controls over their population was very important for Stone-Age people.
If there were Matriarchal societies in the Stone Age and women also had worked out how to have sex with a man without having a child. What women could do is to order their male sexual partner to stimulate their clitoris and not to penetrate them. Or alternatively they would order the man to hold back their ejection and withdraw after she has an orgasm. If this practice continued over many thousands of generations, it would increase the length of time it would take women to orgasm because having men under control, it wouldn't matter how long she took. In historic times this has been practiced in the Chinese religion of Taoism and the Indian Hindu sect Tantra, where the men practice to never ejaculate while inside a woman. They claim the reason for this, is that ejection weakens a man spiritually. But this is probably only an excuse to hide the fact that this practice give women a big advantage, so that she knows the man will wait long enough for her to orgasm and she doesn’t need to use any form of birth control. This would also be true if women regularly practiced having men stimulate their clitoris with either a finger or tongue. They again wouldn't be in a hurry to orgasm and may even try to delay it, so they can enjoy the pleasure for a longer period of time. And again they could never get pregnant through this form of sex.
So we can see that having Matriarchal sex with women in control over many thousands of generations can physically change women. As many women will start to get all their sexual pleasure from clitoris stimulation rather than penetration, so they will evolve to a degree where it doesn't matter if their clitoris is not stimulated, if there is a penis inside them. This is because, the only time they will want penetration, is when they want children. If being fertilized was the aim of the sexual encounter, many women may not worry whether they orgasm or not with a penis inside them. So in the minds of women, the act of fertilization became separate from sexual pleasure.
I am sure a patriarchal minded scientist will point out that if sexual pleasure has very little to do with the survival of the fittest. What would be the reason why these bossy women are more likely to survive and pass on her genes to the next generation? Than a woman who doesn’t enjoy sex? I will explain this in the next chapter.
Article on the clitoris. - http://blog.museumofsex.com/the-internal-clitoris/